• If you eat holiday cookies after the holidays, there are no calories.
• If you break a cookie in two and eat half now and half later, there are no calories.
• If you eat your child's leftover cookies, there are no calories.
• Cookies eaten in the middle of the night have no calories.
• Cookies eaten in the car have no calories.
• Cookies eaten off the floor with strict adherence to the five second rule, obviously, have no calories.
• Cookies taken out of the dog's mouth have no calories.
And, of course, there is the Cake Corollary:
Cake eaten right off of the platter has no calories.
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